see that puddle on the floor - it's my melted heart

my heart just triple melted.

my nightly routine with Rhys is something i always look forward to.

it starts with us lifting our legs as high as we can as we march up each individual stair - chanting "march, march, march"

i wait in the hallway as Rhys goes in his room and grabs a washcloth and yells out the color he chose - he then runs into the bathroom and sits down and takes off his socks and his shoes as i run the bathwater.

then he approaches me lifts his shirt over his belly and then says "hep"(help) - we undress and he giggles and we count 1.....2.......3......and i whisk him into the tub.

he pours out the bath makers and starts to color the tub and himself for about 5 minutes - he then moves on to his trains and plays with them shouting "choooooo chooooo chooooo"

all the while i am washing him and cleaning things like marker from his face and paint from his arms - then it's time to wash all that hair of his and as the water falls from the cup and onto his hair he shrieks "rain"

he plays for a while more until he says "i done" - we sing the clean up song as he puts all the bath toys away - and then it's 1.....2.....3......and i whisk him out of the tub and wrap him up in a towel.

i sit him on the sink and he grabs his little toothbrush and puts it under the faucet and then says "toopase"(toothpaste) - he fervently brushes his little teeth and his tongue - rinses off the toothbrush and then taps the brush 3 times.

we put on his PJ's - read a few books and then i say "ok Rhys it's time for bed" - he turns to me - wraps his arms around me and hugs me as tight as he can and then gives me the biggest kiss ever - i carry him to the light switch and he turns out the light - he says "nigh nigh - seet dree"

the final part of this ritual is my favorite part- it is something i look forward to as i am driving to pick him up from school - i hold him and he lays his little head on my shoulder and i rock him and sing Wonderwall by Ryan Adams (screw Oasis).

well tonight something happened - i always sing the entire song all the way through slowly getting softer towards the end - the same thing happened tonight - singing and getting quieter and quieter until i sing the last word - and then in a tiny little sleepy whisper he says "again"

i freaking lost it - my heart just melted - tears welled up and drops began to fall - and in a soft susurration i sing it again - holding him close - feeling him breathe against me.

i never imagined i could have these kinds of feelings - that i could love something this much - i love being a dad - but i REALLY LOVE being Rhys's dad.


WONDERWALL

big news from pocket rockers

so i just finished the playlist for a mix-tape i have been working on - and it got me thinking - what if i there was a tv commercial for my mix-tapes - what would it be like

that thought took me back to a conversation i had earlier in the evening about Kids Inc. and Mickey Mouse Club - i would pretty much stop down my life as a kid for those two shows - i wanted to be just like Justin from MMC and Ryan from KInc - singing and dancing and hanging out with older (than me) girls.

i thought i was the missing piece on each of those shows - i envisioned myself up there being funny and clumsy and cute - walking off the stage when the show was over to adoring fans - signing autographs - waving at all the cute girls as i left the building in a pair of Ray Bans and rocking out with my newest cassette for my Pocket Rockers.

i was totally enamored with the thought of being a star - now the i am older and wiser (not really sure i am but i like to think i am) - i now realize that when Justin and Ryan walked off the stage they weren't met by adoring fans or glitz and glamour - they were met by their parents who gave them a Hi-C juice box and some Sticklets gum and rushed the away in their wood paneled station wagon

i wanted to be a big deal - i wanted people to see me and rush over to be around me - to have my autograph - i wanted them to know me for my talent and killer personality - i think most of this was caused by the fact i didn't have any friends around me cause they all lived far away (5 miles or more) - so i think i was hungry for attention

the irony of all this is today - someone referred to me as a "big deal" and i quickly shot that idea down - i didn't want to seem like a big deal - cause at the core - i don't think i am a big deal - but i did realize that a little part of my dream had come true - people do see my talent and my killer personality all over the place - they just don't know it's me - and i think i like it this way - to be anonymously admired

that being said i am going to exit the stage now and get some sleep cause MousercisE starts at 5am and Kellyn likes it when i am fully rested and breathing properly - i am also going to begin to wish for something new and completely ridiculous -------- i want pocket rockers to make a comeback