feel

this isn't about anyone i specifically know. just wishful thinking i guess

have you ever felt like your heart would burst
when you didn't know if dying was worse

have you ever felt like you would never be whole
that there would always be something missing from your soul

have you ever felt like you were not needed
that no one would care if your heart never beated

have you ever felt like no one loved you
that it did not matter if your life was through

well i feel that everyday when we look eye to eye
i can not have you i just want to cry

your lips i cannot kiss your hands i can not hold
your body I can't warm when you ever feel cold

you don't even know me, to you i am nothing
and you'll never know if we could have had something

your heart has been broken night after night
and your always looking for Mr. Right

yet I would never hurt you , you i would cherish
even after many years my love will never perish

you don't have a clue about how much i feel
but if you ever did you would know it was real

i do not know who i can trust
but if i don't tell someone my heart it will bust

i cant say a word so that is why i write it
yet i do not believe that you will ever read it

i will just have to keep hoping that maybe someday
i will get up the courage and one day say

i love you i love you but you don't know my name
but i will keep loving you, all the same!

poser

who am i
where do i belong
i want to be everyone i see
not an independent thinker, a spirit that is free
do i conform to my hearts desires
should i strive to be what inspires
should i be trendy and drive a luxury sedan
maybe take a walk on the wild side and be my own man
i will listen to what everyone else thinks i should become
that has to be it, the voice of hundreds cant be wrong
what if i listen to my heart and follow the desire inside
would that make me selfish and full of pride
why does my heart feel tortured and abused
i'm a poser, broken and confused

miscommunication

You bit my lip in ecstasy
I pulled your hair in vengeance
You pressed against me from behind
I thrust forward to push you away
You misunderstood my refusal
I grabbed your legs to get your attention
You turned to look at me with a smile
I moved to break our bond
You told me that was the spot
I wasn't looking to perforate this relationship
You thank me for finally understanding what you wanted
I grabbed your waist to push away
You readjusted for a better fit
I tried to tell you I wanted out
You tried to tell me you wanted sin

)()()()()()()()()()()()()()()(

What I have to say wont be that sharp
Its quite pointless actually

Watch me when you talk to me
You'll see I moved to over hear

I can't get over the space between us
The space between girl friend and girlfriend

i can't

i have this mental block - most of my post about feelings have been made private.

"sally", "blair", "sarah", "brooks"

almost all of those thoughts have been made private.


- b what are you doing?

incomplete

Vapid words stumble from my lips
I can't explain what your presence does to my heart
As my eyes tightly close I can feel your warmth
The flash bulbs bring me back to reality
All I have is a memory of your voice
They way you promenade in your work moves me
I cut you out of the portrait of my life
All I was left with was an empty hole

the end

She had a sweet face it glowed with beauty.

She wanted inside my head, but I was nervous.

She said to me “just tell me the end, so I can prepare my heart now”.

I didn’t know the end, all I knew is I wanted to feel those lips.

I had a dilemma; do I make up the end to get the lips?

Do I tell her that I have no plans of being around till the end?

I confessed, “All I want is a tender kiss, I can’t make a solemn promise”

Her eyes flared, lips puckered.

She moved in with a breathtaking brush of her lips.

My knees gave in, I fell to the floor.

Infatuated with the moment, I began to confess my feelings.

She quieted me with finger pressed to her sultry lips.

She moved in again, my eyes closed in anticipation, she whispered, the end.

lost, lonely and confused

We just met while sitting alone in the bar of one of those cookie cutter chain restraints.
She was reading a book, I was writing one.
I should have never commented on how the Great Gatsby was an underrated classic.
She should have never invited me to sit down.
We should have never gone to that lake to chat.
Things would be different now.
My heart wouldn’t be wrenched with anguish.
She wouldn’t have disappeared so suddenly.
If only things were different.
I would have never told her, she made me fall out of love.
She would have never nibbled on my earlobe.
We would have never had that forbidden embrace.
Our lives forever changed.
I left a trail of tears.
She left a trail of blood.
I cried for the future I altered
She bled for the passion she misunderstood.
We were a bad alliteration.
Nothing about us connected.
Except we were both lost, lonely and confused.

beloved assassin

stop yelling at me to forgive and forget

you burned me, spurned me and broke my heart

you think i can just pick up the pieces

pretend nothing ever happened

i sat there and watched you flirt

i saw your hands move across his face

you promised me forever and eternity

you told me i saved you, pulled you from despair

now you mouth "i really love you"

but i all i hear is "i really don't care"

don't let me hold you back from you desires

i love you way too much to let you stay

the best thing i can do is let you walk away

thanks for the memories

love you for the sweet times

hate you for settling with second best so long

this won't make me tough

this make my life even more rough

it all makes sense now

you were so reluctant to kiss me

yet so quick to dis me

post it note freewriting

This past of mine is full of tears
These memories fade into the years
I preyed on the beautiful and Naive
I lived to charm and deceive
With a rumble and a crash
I see nothing but a white flash
I've been caught in the dross
The truth is revealed, my life is a loss

regret

Now I see it
On the back of my eyelids
Before I fall asleep.
Images
Of what had happened
Replay.
You were cheap.
I could have hidden you better.
You were clumsy.
I tried to hold my nose up.
Your conversation was weak.
I pretended I wasn't with you.
And I regret ever going with you.
At least I saw no one I knew.

faded memories

this faded photo reminds me so much of a person i never knew

it was taken 20 years before i was born

i see a face full of hope and happiness

i never knew that part of you

all i can remember is a woman struggling to make ends meet

a hard working woman doing a mans job

raising 5 kids alone

you weren't always alone

i remember him

what a bastard

all i ever did was make him mad

but he didn't take his anger out on me

he looked to you to express his feelings

i'm the one responsible for your shattered face

you never cried when he hit you

you just told me you loved me

every hit - every crack - every bruise

you were my angel

you stood there outside my school with a smile on your face

all i remember is taking your hand and walking to a new home

we never saw him again

now i sit here staring at you, eternally asleep

in a better place

you created a kingdom out of poverty

fly away my angel

go back to that faded photo

smile for me again

hooked

lusty blonde vivacious woman
face on the television screen

she asks
"do you want a blow job?"

I tried to answer
but she

was on 'pause'
the channel interrupted

she could not hear my response
which

was
'no'

thin shaved head (Sinead wannabe)
across from me

at a coffee shop
in a booth

she asks
"you want to come to my place for

a bisexual experience
with two lovely ladies?"

I took a sip of coffee
give my mind a 'pause'

the music was really loud
the lights were flashing bright

she seemed disappointed to hear my response
which

was
'no'