see that puddle on the floor - it's my melted heart

my heart just triple melted.

my nightly routine with Rhys is something i always look forward to.

it starts with us lifting our legs as high as we can as we march up each individual stair - chanting "march, march, march"

i wait in the hallway as Rhys goes in his room and grabs a washcloth and yells out the color he chose - he then runs into the bathroom and sits down and takes off his socks and his shoes as i run the bathwater.

then he approaches me lifts his shirt over his belly and then says "hep"(help) - we undress and he giggles and we count 1.....2.......3......and i whisk him into the tub.

he pours out the bath makers and starts to color the tub and himself for about 5 minutes - he then moves on to his trains and plays with them shouting "choooooo chooooo chooooo"

all the while i am washing him and cleaning things like marker from his face and paint from his arms - then it's time to wash all that hair of his and as the water falls from the cup and onto his hair he shrieks "rain"

he plays for a while more until he says "i done" - we sing the clean up song as he puts all the bath toys away - and then it's 1.....2.....3......and i whisk him out of the tub and wrap him up in a towel.

i sit him on the sink and he grabs his little toothbrush and puts it under the faucet and then says "toopase"(toothpaste) - he fervently brushes his little teeth and his tongue - rinses off the toothbrush and then taps the brush 3 times.

we put on his PJ's - read a few books and then i say "ok Rhys it's time for bed" - he turns to me - wraps his arms around me and hugs me as tight as he can and then gives me the biggest kiss ever - i carry him to the light switch and he turns out the light - he says "nigh nigh - seet dree"

the final part of this ritual is my favorite part- it is something i look forward to as i am driving to pick him up from school - i hold him and he lays his little head on my shoulder and i rock him and sing Wonderwall by Ryan Adams (screw Oasis).

well tonight something happened - i always sing the entire song all the way through slowly getting softer towards the end - the same thing happened tonight - singing and getting quieter and quieter until i sing the last word - and then in a tiny little sleepy whisper he says "again"

i freaking lost it - my heart just melted - tears welled up and drops began to fall - and in a soft susurration i sing it again - holding him close - feeling him breathe against me.

i never imagined i could have these kinds of feelings - that i could love something this much - i love being a dad - but i REALLY LOVE being Rhys's dad.


WONDERWALL