a graceful tailwind
that's what i imagine it looks like from behind me - a graceful tailwind - i'm a runner literally and metaphorically. what i am talking about here is the metaphoric part. it's what i have always known - running
not facing conflict - turning away and sprinting.
not facing my flaws - looking around for an out and slowly jogging - turning my head back to try and save some face but ultimately i stop looking back and i quickly step up my pace to the full on sprint.
i jumped off the starting line at one point in my life and i had a good gait - i had a purpose - i had a desire to make it to that finish line - to complete the race and prepare of the next race to improve the mistakes i made and correct them so i could finish the next face quicker, smarter and better.
but i'm stuck between the starting line and the finish line - i keep running in different directions and im not making progress.
it why i am always reluctant to develop relationships - cause deep down i know i am not Brandon; meaning a beacon, fiery hill - i am Szemere; small man, demolisher
i just end up finding a way to sabotage it - not cause i want to cause heartache or frustration to the other party - but because - well - because - i have no good reason
tonight on Grey's (yes guilty secret pleasure) Derek told Meridith she was broken 0 she was a lemon and it just struck a chord
is that me? am i just broken and a lemon?
i've hurt some fabulous people in my past - people who were better off before they met me.
they didn't deserve it - i don't deserve it and at the core it isn't me at all - it wasn't what i was when i was a child - i was kind and gentle and tenderhearted and well i am still all those things - but something has surfaced that frightens me about myself that when i feel i have found something good - i have to ruin it.
but maybe i've just been such a fabulous liar that i have convinced myself i am all these good things and well i am just a sour fractured soul.
the thing about lemons - they just need a little water to break down the acid and some sugar to offset the sour and well they become a wonderful refreshing treat.
not facing conflict - turning away and sprinting.
not facing my flaws - looking around for an out and slowly jogging - turning my head back to try and save some face but ultimately i stop looking back and i quickly step up my pace to the full on sprint.
i jumped off the starting line at one point in my life and i had a good gait - i had a purpose - i had a desire to make it to that finish line - to complete the race and prepare of the next race to improve the mistakes i made and correct them so i could finish the next face quicker, smarter and better.
but i'm stuck between the starting line and the finish line - i keep running in different directions and im not making progress.
it why i am always reluctant to develop relationships - cause deep down i know i am not Brandon; meaning a beacon, fiery hill - i am Szemere; small man, demolisher
i just end up finding a way to sabotage it - not cause i want to cause heartache or frustration to the other party - but because - well - because - i have no good reason
tonight on Grey's (yes guilty secret pleasure) Derek told Meridith she was broken 0 she was a lemon and it just struck a chord
is that me? am i just broken and a lemon?
i've hurt some fabulous people in my past - people who were better off before they met me.
they didn't deserve it - i don't deserve it and at the core it isn't me at all - it wasn't what i was when i was a child - i was kind and gentle and tenderhearted and well i am still all those things - but something has surfaced that frightens me about myself that when i feel i have found something good - i have to ruin it.
but maybe i've just been such a fabulous liar that i have convinced myself i am all these good things and well i am just a sour fractured soul.
the thing about lemons - they just need a little water to break down the acid and some sugar to offset the sour and well they become a wonderful refreshing treat.
posted by brandon at
9:05 PM
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