cloudy memories
have you ever found yourself lost in a moment - a moment from the past - you sit there and dwell on the situation and what happened – how it all went down.
i find myself stuck there constantly - thinking of all the things i could have said - that i should have said - pacing backwards - frame by frame - the actions that led to that very moment.
at first i desperately want to change those actions - beating myself up in such a manner that i let myself forget who i really am at the core. once those thoughts pass - i quickly pick myself up and remind myself that i choose to live life without regrets - to learn from mistakes and realize that everything happens for a reason.
no matter the manner in which pieces fall - they are all falling in the exact spot and at the exact time that they were supposed to be.
i have come to a place in my life where i am happy - where i don't feel i need to rush life - just live it.
today my memories are all ones where i fucked up - where i was a failure to myself and those around me - but that all changed when the first 4 notes of a song came on my iTunes - it was "These are the Days" by 10,000 Maniacs - those first few notes took me to the late evening of October 16, 2006 - sitting there next to my wonderful friend and ex-wife nicole - watching our son enter this world as that song softly played on my laptop
that's the one moment i never want to change
i was speaking with Sarah today and she reminded me of a conversation we had on her couch when i visited her last - she told me "my memory is like a filing cabinet of traumatic experiences" - i feel my memory is the same way - i have a hard time conjuring up happy experiences before 2007 - there are a few like the birth of Rhys and the day i realized that i really had my dream job - but it's like those bad memories cast a wide shadow on the good memories of my past.
i struggle to pull the sunlight of my current life through those dark clouds and part the bad memories with the new me and reveal all the happy memories from my past.
i know it will someday happen - and until it does - i am just going to continue creating new happy memories - i have an awesome group of friends that begin with my best friends Kelly - and lead into the new friends who i haven't even known for a full year - i am thankful for The Modern and their Modern Contemporaries group for bringing us all together. i wouldn't trade them for anything.
it's a small group but they are a great group and the best part of all of this - i am not done meeting new people and making new friends. kickball has served as an avenue - work has - yes even a dating site has
so here is to good memories and great friends - and a fantastic summer of meeting new people
"These are the days you'll remember. Never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this."
i find myself stuck there constantly - thinking of all the things i could have said - that i should have said - pacing backwards - frame by frame - the actions that led to that very moment.
at first i desperately want to change those actions - beating myself up in such a manner that i let myself forget who i really am at the core. once those thoughts pass - i quickly pick myself up and remind myself that i choose to live life without regrets - to learn from mistakes and realize that everything happens for a reason.
no matter the manner in which pieces fall - they are all falling in the exact spot and at the exact time that they were supposed to be.
i have come to a place in my life where i am happy - where i don't feel i need to rush life - just live it.
today my memories are all ones where i fucked up - where i was a failure to myself and those around me - but that all changed when the first 4 notes of a song came on my iTunes - it was "These are the Days" by 10,000 Maniacs - those first few notes took me to the late evening of October 16, 2006 - sitting there next to my wonderful friend and ex-wife nicole - watching our son enter this world as that song softly played on my laptop
that's the one moment i never want to change
i was speaking with Sarah today and she reminded me of a conversation we had on her couch when i visited her last - she told me "my memory is like a filing cabinet of traumatic experiences" - i feel my memory is the same way - i have a hard time conjuring up happy experiences before 2007 - there are a few like the birth of Rhys and the day i realized that i really had my dream job - but it's like those bad memories cast a wide shadow on the good memories of my past.
i struggle to pull the sunlight of my current life through those dark clouds and part the bad memories with the new me and reveal all the happy memories from my past.
i know it will someday happen - and until it does - i am just going to continue creating new happy memories - i have an awesome group of friends that begin with my best friends Kelly - and lead into the new friends who i haven't even known for a full year - i am thankful for The Modern and their Modern Contemporaries group for bringing us all together. i wouldn't trade them for anything.
it's a small group but they are a great group and the best part of all of this - i am not done meeting new people and making new friends. kickball has served as an avenue - work has - yes even a dating site has
so here is to good memories and great friends - and a fantastic summer of meeting new people
"These are the days you'll remember. Never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this."
posted by brandon at
4:05 PM
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