my chance encounter with a celebrity

recently, i sat down with Joe Piscopo at his home in northern new jersey. upon entering his duplex, mr. Piscopo suckerpunched me in the gut and then jovially remarked that he was just "playin with me". Piscopo, 58, is most well known for being a cast member of SNL in the 1980's and for his breathtaking work in the 1992 soccer comedy "sidekicks"...i wanted to find out who the real Joe was, the man behind the fame. this is a transcript of our conversation.

myself -well first of all Joe, i'd like to thank you for sitting down with me.

Joe Piscopo-sorry, you have to stand.

b -uhh, ok. i guess i'll stand then.

jp-(chuckles) no i'm just kiddin’ with ya. i'm a total cut up.

me -great. well Joe, back in the early 1980's you got your start on SNL along side Eddie Murphy. you were most famous for playing Frank Sinatra. tell me, how were you able to masterfully impersonate the beloved national treasure?

jp-i slept with Nancy Reagan.

i -that's it??? you had intercourse with the first lady and that's how you figured out the Frank impersonation?

jp {jumps out of seat}

jp-hey!! come look at my work out gym place where i make my muscles big and not flexy!!!

Piscopo escorted me down to his basement where he showed me his bow-flex machine. the room smelled of urine and rotting fruit. he had pictures of himself on the walls standing next to Eddie Murphy but the faces of Murphy were violently cut out. Piscopo then told me of his days captaining the USS Saratoga. i was a little confused by this point given the fact that Piscopo had never even set foot on a naval battleship in his life. when he realized that i was catching on to his little white lie, he punched me in the face and i woke up in the dumpster next to Mr. T. i don't think Mr. T being there had anything to do with my run in with Piscopo....