frosted flakes - my nemesis
i have always had a very amicable relationship with frosted flakes - ever since i was a kid watching G. I. Joe. but last week- yeah everything changed. frosted flakes are now my nemesis.
i wanted a bowl of frosted flakes late one night, which seemed easy enough.
obviously not. i should be given one of those dog collars with the built-in taser and put the fence around my kitchen.
it was a fresh box, and the bag inside the box didn't really want to open, so i tug a little harder, and not only does it rip the thing in half, about a third of the flakes end up scattered around the kitchen.
serious?
fine, its ok, i collect what flakes i can find, throw them in the trash, and continue the process of fixing myself a bowl of cereal. next its time to find a bowl, but my roommate is allergic to dishwasher soap (all kinds...windex too...weird) so there are no clean bowls as i hadn't been around much that week...i have to wash one, no biggie.
dishwashing liquid goes on the bowl, bowl goes under the faucet, bowl slips out of hands, bowl breaks into two thousand pieces, i jump back...but his kitchen is 3 feet wide so my back hits the wall and i land on a nice shard of porcelain. yeah, now theres blood (and water) everywhere. so i go, clean my foot, bandage it, and, being the stubborn idiot i am, decide that the worst is over and nothing else could go wrong, it's just a bowl of frosted flakes. a second bowl gets washed, this time successfully.
so i'm in the clear now, on my way to eating some cereal.
wrong.
i drop the milk, after it's open. maybe my hands were still a little soapy from washing the bowl, who knows, but there's milk everywhere except in the milk container and my bowl of frosted flakes. so i have to clean that crap. defiant and pissed, i proceed to eat a dry bowl of cereal.
hang on.
ever drop a spoon in the garbage disposal and have it get all shredded up, but still useable? that was the only clean spoon, so i figured i'd use it.
but the jagged edge of the spoon has the last laugh and rips up my lip...so much so that it gets stuck, and this freaking spoon is hanging from my upper lip, somehow tangled in it. i gently tug, pull and twist, trying to detach the spoon from my face, and it won't budge, so the next choice was to just yank, like a band-aid. only hurts for a second, right? wrong, because it still hurts, and it looks like i went down on a stripper at some third rate club, because i have a huge red open wound on my lip now.
a cut foot, 20 minutes of cleanup, the loss of half a box of frosted flakes and the remainder of the milk, one smashed bowl, and a big red thing on my lip that is the focus of everyone's horrified gaze the next day at work...yeah, i know what you think it looks like. freaking great.
i'm hopeless. but if your ever having a rough day, just know there's an guy out there who got worked by a bowl of frosted flakes.
i wanted a bowl of frosted flakes late one night, which seemed easy enough.
obviously not. i should be given one of those dog collars with the built-in taser and put the fence around my kitchen.
it was a fresh box, and the bag inside the box didn't really want to open, so i tug a little harder, and not only does it rip the thing in half, about a third of the flakes end up scattered around the kitchen.
serious?
fine, its ok, i collect what flakes i can find, throw them in the trash, and continue the process of fixing myself a bowl of cereal. next its time to find a bowl, but my roommate is allergic to dishwasher soap (all kinds...windex too...weird) so there are no clean bowls as i hadn't been around much that week...i have to wash one, no biggie.
dishwashing liquid goes on the bowl, bowl goes under the faucet, bowl slips out of hands, bowl breaks into two thousand pieces, i jump back...but his kitchen is 3 feet wide so my back hits the wall and i land on a nice shard of porcelain. yeah, now theres blood (and water) everywhere. so i go, clean my foot, bandage it, and, being the stubborn idiot i am, decide that the worst is over and nothing else could go wrong, it's just a bowl of frosted flakes. a second bowl gets washed, this time successfully.
so i'm in the clear now, on my way to eating some cereal.
wrong.
i drop the milk, after it's open. maybe my hands were still a little soapy from washing the bowl, who knows, but there's milk everywhere except in the milk container and my bowl of frosted flakes. so i have to clean that crap. defiant and pissed, i proceed to eat a dry bowl of cereal.
hang on.
ever drop a spoon in the garbage disposal and have it get all shredded up, but still useable? that was the only clean spoon, so i figured i'd use it.
but the jagged edge of the spoon has the last laugh and rips up my lip...so much so that it gets stuck, and this freaking spoon is hanging from my upper lip, somehow tangled in it. i gently tug, pull and twist, trying to detach the spoon from my face, and it won't budge, so the next choice was to just yank, like a band-aid. only hurts for a second, right? wrong, because it still hurts, and it looks like i went down on a stripper at some third rate club, because i have a huge red open wound on my lip now.
a cut foot, 20 minutes of cleanup, the loss of half a box of frosted flakes and the remainder of the milk, one smashed bowl, and a big red thing on my lip that is the focus of everyone's horrified gaze the next day at work...yeah, i know what you think it looks like. freaking great.
i'm hopeless. but if your ever having a rough day, just know there's an guy out there who got worked by a bowl of frosted flakes.
posted by brandon at
7:43 PM
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