looking forward to the future: a pre-birthday post
all the changes of life, like indigo to blue, like bread to toast, like dusk to black. once it is st into motion - it can not be stopped. i deplore it. i read thoreau at an early age and have that sucking the marrow out of life phrase firing bullets through my heart with each passing second. i am bonnie in the concluding minutes of bonnie and clyde, the sting of such a short life pouring from her wounds, after all that running. "you best keep runnin', clyde barrow."
that is how i feel. i continue running. as soon as time rests for a moment uncharged, it bolts ahead of me and so i have to hasten after it. unexpected, unconsumed seconds turn to quicksilver suddenly i'm that much older - and that much more in need of some cosmetic decoction.
the sad reality is you cant halt getting older. nor will i escaped the j.m. barrie curse. i want none of it. i can't have the rat's nest that lives over the head of an adult. it is an angry thing, all that blathering, impositioning, threshing, squawking - all that opukence of adulthood. bills, mortgages, broken lawn mowers.
recently my 7 year-old nephew - Tyler - tells me it's easy to fall asleep in the car. this was after i told him i could never fall asleep in the car. Tyler says to me, "it's easy. you just close your eyes." which is a magnificent way of living. "you just do it, he tells me, and then it's done.
if i could just do it (adducing of nike unintended), what would i do? would i open my boutique? would i sell everything and travel the world? would i restore houses? would i design stationary? would i participate in triathlons? would i win scrabble tournaments? would i finally finish my novel? would i paint murals?
with time moving more quickly all the time (fuck what science says), what is stopping me? that's the trick. not getting in front of time, but getting in front of myself, or maybe it's deeper inside myself. i have to stop chasing after that trick. but once i stop running, i'll be dead. i'm pretty sure that's how it works. cut to miss bonnie parker (played by faye dunaway, whose shoe was tied to the brake of the car so that her bullet-riddled body could slump clumsily out of the car without falling completely out of it.) cut to bonnie who stopped running.
that is how i feel. i continue running. as soon as time rests for a moment uncharged, it bolts ahead of me and so i have to hasten after it. unexpected, unconsumed seconds turn to quicksilver suddenly i'm that much older - and that much more in need of some cosmetic decoction.
the sad reality is you cant halt getting older. nor will i escaped the j.m. barrie curse. i want none of it. i can't have the rat's nest that lives over the head of an adult. it is an angry thing, all that blathering, impositioning, threshing, squawking - all that opukence of adulthood. bills, mortgages, broken lawn mowers.
recently my 7 year-old nephew - Tyler - tells me it's easy to fall asleep in the car. this was after i told him i could never fall asleep in the car. Tyler says to me, "it's easy. you just close your eyes." which is a magnificent way of living. "you just do it, he tells me, and then it's done.
if i could just do it (adducing of nike unintended), what would i do? would i open my boutique? would i sell everything and travel the world? would i restore houses? would i design stationary? would i participate in triathlons? would i win scrabble tournaments? would i finally finish my novel? would i paint murals?
with time moving more quickly all the time (fuck what science says), what is stopping me? that's the trick. not getting in front of time, but getting in front of myself, or maybe it's deeper inside myself. i have to stop chasing after that trick. but once i stop running, i'll be dead. i'm pretty sure that's how it works. cut to miss bonnie parker (played by faye dunaway, whose shoe was tied to the brake of the car so that her bullet-riddled body could slump clumsily out of the car without falling completely out of it.) cut to bonnie who stopped running.
posted by brandon at
5:01 PM
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