now i'm emotional.......

....i don't know what it is. i must be a sadist or something - but yeah - i think it was me recounting the past year with my new friend Jessica yesterday that made me do it.

i went back to my blog to read what i wrote on my birthday weekend. i remembered that i was writing a lot of poetry around that time - i guess i was curious to revisit what was in my mind at the time. i didn't realize how lonely i really was at that point in my life - until just now. reading the poems about women who i only dreamed that existed.

then

i found this - and it all came rushing back - that weekend in Seattle - what i was feeling - what i know i needed to do - all the self doubt - EVERYTHING - it just rushed in and hit me in the face - this was written the day before i left everyone in Seattle and came home.

i should have stopped there - but i didn't i started reading more from that week (most of it is private since i made my blog pubic) - it just opened my eyes to the confusion and solitude - but this one really made me realize - that maybe hope isn't foolish.

blah - whatever - anyhew
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someone sent me a text message cause someone who reads this told them what i was writing about - how is it that some people can be so self involved and clueless to how boring and sad their life really is - i don't get it.