back from Miami

so i am back from my trip to miami. what a fucking surreal experience that was. those close to me know the full details of my trip. for those of you who don't know; here is the readers digest edition:

the weather was crap for the most part, lots of rain and lots of soul sucking humidity. the group i was with insisted on going to this club/bar/tourist trap called Mango's. while everyone was grinding with complete strangers and racing around the place in the conga line, i was sitting quietly at out table enjoying watching the freaks.

well after about 6 beers, i had to pee. after waiting in line for what seemed like eternity and a decade. i finally made it into the bathroom. while i was there a handsome, muscular, self-loving, douchebag was standing next to me. next thing i know, his drunk ass is pissing all over my shoes. i look at him and sa -

"oh my god i was hoping someone would pee on my today, THANKS!"

then i proceed to zip up and walk away. those who know me, know i am a warrior of words and of wit, not a warrior of strength. that being said, i do not like confrontations. i avoid them at all cost.

while i am washing my hands, erratic pissing douchebag gets up next to me and starts yelling. "want to talk back to me again funny guy". then he starts pushing me. i look at him and laugh and ask -

"why are you so angry dude? i just thanked you for contributing your body fluids to the fabric of my shoes"

i proceed to leave the bathroom all the while erratic pissing douchebag keeps yelling and reaching out to push me from behind. i turn back to him and tell him that i am not a fighter so if he is looking to fight, find someone else.

i might have made another smart ass comment. i am walking back to my table erratic pissing douchebag grabs my shoulder to turn me around and then punches me in the face.

not real hard, but hard enough to knock my glasses off and make me bleed. i am standing there in shock as he is standing there, restrained, spitting at me. i did the only thing i knew to do; i took my hand wiped some blood from my face and the licked it off my fingers. i thanked him and told him i loved the taste of my own blood.

the next event happened in super slow motion. as i picture it in my mind, there are multiple camera angles as erratic pissing douchebag hits me again, this time harder and in the side of my face. by this time the bouncers had made it over and had him on the floor. i seriously can't believe i just got punched in the face. TWICE.

i have a nice black eye and i can't wait to get back to the office and explain the black eye.

i probably won't have to knowing how much the group i was with likes to gossip and spread stories. for all i know there will be posters hanging up at the elevator bays when i walk in.

fuck that readers digest version was still long. sorry.

i have a few photos i took on from the trip. i will get those posted later on today.

for now, i need to take my lazy ass to work.