taking me down in a whimsical spiral

i think the craziness of the last few weeks and the sudden departure from dallas to seattle has really gotten to me.

i am just really really down tonight. not that this isn't normal for me, but i am just feeling terribly anti-social. i just feel like the things i want to be doing i can't and the things i don't want to be doing, i am being guilted into.

i don't know what is wrong with me, maybe i should just go to sleep. there are a lot of things i want to be doing right now that are bad for me, but there is something that is keeping me from it - i think it's that stupid thing called hope.

i just need to be by myself and not think i need someone else to "save me" - i need to save myself. give up on hope - it's foolish.

i can't help but fight the negativity.....

sometimes i just feel like i am never going to find that person that cares enough. sure there are people who "care" about me, but it is their own selfish caring. not a genuine care for me to be happy.

whatever, i am being whiny.